With a heavy heart

The past few months have been tough, the past couple of weeks dreadful and yesterday just plain sucked.  After 41 years, I lost my biggest cheerleader, my beloved aunt.  Someone who always had my back, celebrated each of my milestones and dried my tears when things weren’t quite worth celebrating. 

She loved fiercely.  If you were fortunate enough to have her love, it never wavered.  If not, watch out.  You didn’t want to feel her wrath.  She lived her life looking out for the underdog, fighting fights that weren’t always hers to fight but she did so with love. 

She knew how much I love clothes, shoes, and purses and always made a point to compliment me, even when I was an awkward preteen with slightly questionable taste.  It was important to me; therefore, it was important to her.

Our birthdays were two days apart so I can remember many shared celebrations over the years.  I didn’t like it as a kid but each year moving forward when I’m missing the annual birthday card I could count on, I’ll celebrate her.

I’ve always been extremely emotional but I try to hide that part of myself from most people.  I never had to have my guard up with her.  She knew the real me.  We shared so many similar personality traits.

I met my husband when I was just a teenager.  She welcomed him into our family from the minute she met him and was “Team Rob” from that point forward; even when I was not “Team Rob.”  Like I said, once you had her love, she never wavered.

When my daughter was born, she loved Emily as much as she loved me and Emily loved her as much as I did too.

The world lost a very special person this week who was loved by her children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, friends and co-workers.  She fiercely loved all of those people with a love that never wavered until she took her last breath. 

It was really tough to break the news to my sweet girl yesterday.  She sobbed.  It broke my heart.  But I told her to find comfort in the fact that she will now have someone looking over her and watching out for her always with a love that will never waver.

The last time I spoke with her, she told me to stop being so hard on myself and to quit striving for perfection because true perfection is unattainable (but I was pretty darn close).  I think I need to take that to heart because she was pretty smart and told me so from a place of love.  A love I will carry with me for the rest of my days.  A love I will need in the coming days to keep up my tough façade.  A love I know she had for me that never did and never will waver.