Unless you’ve had a child with a learning disability, you cannot understand it. Possibly even if you have experienced the pain of watching your child struggle with things that come so easy for other children, you may not still understand our experience as a family. More than likely, we would not really understand yours either. One thing I’ve learned as a Mom is that every mom is different, every child is different and often, the same Mom will parent each of her children a little differently because of personalities.
Rob and I were blessed with certain talents as children. He a standout artist and musician and I always someone who excelled in the classroom. When you think about how things will be for your child, you can’t help but draw from your own childhood experiences. So, I am guilty of assuming that Emily would be an early reader who enjoyed writing. Even as a very young child, we could already see her artistic talents emerging . She has loved drawing, painting and being creative almost every day of her short life. She has also proven to be quite the athlete and enjoys playing many sports and being active. I can relate to her competitive nature but I’ve never really been much of an athlete. But as early as preschool, it became apparent to me that she was having difficulties. She struggled with sitting still, sight words, retaining information, and interactions with others, amongst other things. She got into trouble almost daily – sometimes even more than once a day! It was a stressful time full of daily phone calls, red faces and “Oh No!” reports.
As she began kindergarten, the struggles increased due to the introduction of reading and writing. As someone who had always done well in these areas, I accused her of being lazy and not trying. I was frustrated, she was frustrated. It was a constant battle of the wills at homework time that only increased in intensity with every passing year. In first grade, she worked with the Reading Specialist every day. All the while, we kept thinking she was just slower to pick up the skills needed to read and write on grade level. By second grade, she continued to work with the Reading Specialist and had additional difficulties in the classroom. Her scores on standardized tests were below average, her reading skills were suffering and her spelling was poor at best. I sat through multiple meetings during the first half of the year looking for answers but not really wanting to hear what the teachers were thinking…Did she have ADHD? Did she have a learning disability? Was she just so stubborn that she refused to put forth effort on anything that did not interest her? As a mom, it’s hard to hear things like this about your child. A little girl who is perfect in my eyes and one I love with all of my heart. I felt like I failed her in some way. Thoughts ran through my head like maybe I should have started reading books to her before she was even born, or that I shouldn’t have fed her formula as an infant or I knew that watching Nick, Jr. would have long-term effects. If only I had been more compassionate and less aggressive at homework time, if only, if only, if only. I thought long and hard over her holiday break that year, I spoke with the doctor, I called a child psychologist and finally, Rob and I decided to proceed with the testing the school recommended. It was not an easy decision because I was afraid she would be “labeled.” Hell, I didn’t know what that label would be and I wasn’t even sure I wanted the label of being the Mom of a child with whatever it may be.
Well, things turned around for her in the second half of second grade and her teacher felt like she turned a corner and testing was not a concern any longer. Sigh of relief! If only our story ended there…
Over the summer between second and third grade, we did not do the summer school work. It’s not fun for anyone in our house and summer is supposed to be fun, right? Not a good plan. By the first round of standardized testing in third grade, her scores fell lower than they had been at any point in second grade. She had the summer slide plus some. Thank goodness for a very attentive teacher who contacted me early in the year. She wanted to get ahead of whatever was happening and she wanted to do it sooner rather than later. It was the first time that one of Em’s teachers really seemed to be genuinely concerned and would help however she could. What a nice change! We met with the team of teachers assembled to help us understand Emily’s difficulties and we proceeded with the testing. The school moved quickly and before Christmas break, we had a plan of attack in place. Her test results confirmed all of the things we already knew. She has difficulties with letters and words – obviously, this affects her reading and writing skills. She is above average in math, has an extensive vocabulary and a high level of understanding associated with a variety of things. All signs point toward one type of learning disability; although, the school cannot diagnose a child with it and we have chosen not to pursue it with any outside medical professionals. In fact, we have never even said that word to her and more than likely may not ever. Again, I don’t want her to be labeled or label herself. I trust the team working with her and she has made great strides this year.
My reason for writing this is that third grade will end in just two short days and Emily will end the fourth quarter with straight As and three As and 1 B as her final averages. She could have been written off. Often her academic struggles are coupled with an attitude problem (which I believe directly comes from the frustration she feels when she just “can’t get something”) which some adults have not always enjoyed (Rob and I have fallen into that category many times and I’m sure there will be many more to follow) but thank goodness, her teacher and the other educators who are part of her team never gave up on her. I’m so proud of her accomplishments this year. I know she will continue to struggle and that makes me sad because I just want her to be happy and have the absolute best life she can but seeing as though she is an A/B student, a star soccer player, an artist/musician, a videogame whiz kid and as she so humbly told me last week, the best looking girl in her class…I think she’ll be just fine 😊
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